When your loved one pulls away, you want by all means to improve your relationship and reignite lost passion again. Our therapist will tell you what to do if your boyfriend lost interest in you and what will help you regain it.
Good day everyone. At the beginning of our relationship we can’t get enough of each other, we bathe in our partner’s romanticism and courtship. It feels like it will last forever, those frequent complements, long strolls under the stars and heart-to-heart talks, gifts and flowers with no occasion and nights full of passion.
Routine slowly overtakes romanticism and it seems like your boyfriend completely lost his interest in you. Presents and flowers are given on holidays. He brushes off your attempts to start a conversation, instead he prefers a football on TV or a computer game. Your by-hand strolls are left in the past, but a beer night with friends has now become a ritual. Passion has slowly evaporated from your relationship. Now you go to sleep not with hot cuddles, but exchanging a peck on the cheek and wishing each other a good night.
While a man turns around to snore, a woman nags herself away how to bring back lost feelings. Are you familiar with these late night thoughts? Then read further to find out the reason of this metamorphosis in your relationship and what to do if your boyfriend becomes cold.
Did he really lose his interest in you?
First off, let’s look closely if there are signs that his feelings turned cold, or it’s just in your head. We all know that a man is a hunter in his nature. While he’s fighting for you, he uses anything that can conquer your heart. When he realises that he has reached his goal and you belong to him, the hunter can relax and take a break.
Because you experience less romance than at the beginning of your relationship, doesn’t mean that your boyfriend has fallen out of love with you. He simply doesn’t see sense in love games anymore as you already belong to him.
Attempting to withdraw yourself from him is not a good idea as your beloved might not understand the reason behind your coldness and might think that you have lost interest in him. If he cares about you, he won’t ignore your efforts to start a frank conversation. If your boyfriend chooses not to participate in such a conversation then you are right, his feelings have turned cold.
If your boyfriend seems to fall out of love with you, analyze the reasons that might have caused changes in your relationship. Then invite your partner for a discussion.
Why a boyfriend loses interest in his woman?
Reasons why a man stops showing interest in his girl-friend vary.
We will discuss the most common situations when a man pulls away from his partner.
The princess has turned into a Cinderella
In the fairy tale a modest stepdaughter turns into a splendid Beauty and outshines everyone else. In real life it is in reverse. Remember how thoroughly you looked after your appearance at the beginning of the relationship? You were likely to look like a participant of a beauty pageant. Your man was delighted and covered you with sincere compliments, he fell in love with that flawless Beauty.
In everyday life both men and women may be slacking. First you wear curlers in your hair, then you quit blow-outs to end up wearing a ponytail. You dress in stretched sweatpants and t-shirts that are trashy. You don’t feel shy to wear a charcoal facial mask and pluck eyebrows in his presence.
We can talk all day how important your personality is over the appearance. But if a man falls in love with a proper beauty, he will be devastated to see her turn into a mess. He may even hint that you used to look different.
One of my acquaintances’ husband frequently points out that she hasn’t done bright manicure in a while. He also says “When are you going to do smokey eyes?” While she is already looking neat with daily makeup, she still tries to keep up with more of his demands, so he doesn’t lose interest in her.
He is bored with you
How do you spend time together?
- You meet him in the evening with a routine “How are you?”, put a plate with food on the table and sink yourself into social media.
- You talk non-stop to your girlfriends on the phone, when he tries to talk to you, you respond with monosyllabic answers without removing the phone from your ear.
- When he says something, you interrupt and start your own monologue without letting him finish.
- On the weekends you meet with your girlfriends to go to a salon or do the shopping, and your boyfriend goes to a bar with his friends or to the neighbor’s garage to fix a retro car.
If you can relate, don’t be surprised why your boyfriend turned cooler than at the beginning of the relationship. You exist in your own world barely paying attention or listening to him.
If you just smirked and said to yourself that you are not a clown to entertain him, think again. In the relationship not only the man should exhilarate you from dawn to dusk, it would be great if you take the initiative as well.
Same routine in bed
It is one of the reasons why a man loses his interest in his partner. At the beginning he may be courteous about having sex exclusively in a missionary position in the dark under the blanket. At the bottom of his heart he is hoping that you will eventually liberate yourself and his intimate life becomes more versatile.
However, if you constantly turn down his even innocent fantasy, he might get disappointed in you. Boredom and routine in bed tends to kill any feelings.
Feelings turned cold with distance
This often happens with young couples, when young people have to study in different cities. You might have heard stories, when loving people can’t get enough of each other. Kissing each other goodbye and wiping the tears, they tirelessly swear fidelity to each other.
Half a year later the same couple comes back for a spring break and they act like they don’t know each other. As the time has passed, passion has worn out, the suitor turned out not as ideal as he seemed to be previously, at the same time his flaws have become more prominent with distance.
Similarly to this, established couples may fail a distance test. If a husband often goes on a business trip, he slowly pulls himself away from his wife and then loses interest. You feel that his calls and gifts from the trips became dutiful, and while home he’s obviously bored and counts days until the next business trip.
He fell out of love with you
It happens if your relationship was developing too fast. You were blinded by a volcano of passion, you were devoured by each other and in ecstasy decided that you were meant to be together ever after.
You lived in a beautiful novel, then started living together but…As you continue living in your dream state thinking about your future time together, your man’s love phase passed. He may stay with you out of habit, but this is not the same as it was at the beginning.
You’ve got a rival
Unfortunately it’s not rare. If a man gets involved with another woman, his feelings for you will inevitably pass. He might continue living with you following different reasons:
- for the sake of children;
- you two have joint property;
- you are “convenient” — you will cook, you will clean, you will fetch a beer;
- he is not sure if his new relationship will last long, that’s why he’s trying to straddle both worlds.
By the way, a man doesn’t have to sleep with another woman, he might just experience platonic love. In this case, when he wasn’t unfaithful, it is easier to ignite feelings all over again. Although with enough patience, you can bring back even a man who has tied the knot.
What to do and how to act to gain his interest?
A universal plan to gain his interest does not exist and cannot exist. Each situation is very individual, each man’s character is unique and his motives vary.
However there is some comprehensive advice to what to do in any circumstances.
Set a high bar. Always
If on the first date, you conquer your man with your appeal, do not disappoint him. Right now look in the mirror — what can you improve?
It may sound banal, but every man reacts positively when the woman improves her looks. Work to be attractive to him.
Even if you fail to return good old fillings, changes will do you good. A spectacular taut lady has more chances to find a suitor than a blubbered housewife.
Less masculinity more femininity
If you follow a moto “I do myself”, don’t be surprised why men sooner or later run away from you. Surely it’s great that you can provide for your family, fix a faucet and even renovate the house. It is just your man might feel flawed next to you. How can he show his masculinity if yours is three times bigger?
Look for my other articles on how a man sees femininity. Let him take care of you and show his manliness. Ask for his help, thank him and praise him — he will be pleased to feel like a real man.
Let him be jealous. A little
If it seems like you lack spice in your relationship, and you decide to do this be very careful to not overdo. You just need your man to get slightly nervous, rather than turn into an aggressive Otello.
That’s why you should avoid flirting openly with other men. Let him see that even when men show their interest in you, you still stay loyal to him. You don’t want Shakespear’s drama with a tragic end.
Leave your bad mood behind the front door
It doesn’t mean you have to always be a positive energizer. You have a right to be sad or angry — you are a person. But don’t bring a trail of negativity from work or public places into your relationship.
If you are going to constantly whine, or worse, initiate arguments to relieve a negative charge, even the most allegiant man won’t stand it and will run away. Even if you want to complain, use calm voice to describe the situation.
Believe me, your man has bad days too. Greet him with a smile, ask about his day, support him if he shares his problems. You will see how much warmer your relationship becomes.
Intrigue and make surprises
I’m not talking about surprises that schoolgirls do at the beginning of the relationship. If you furnish your boyfriend with romantic poems, postcards and plush toys, he will experience confusion of all emotions.
It’s not your first day together, what means you know what he likes and what he dreams of. For somebody, skydiving will be a surprise, somebody will be delighted with a homemade dinner, a football fan will appreciate tickets for his favorite team’s game. Have no doubt, after such signs of attention, your man will definitely want to thank you.
Show a live interest in his hobbies
Do not brush him off when he’s telling you how big of a catfish he caught last weekend or when he brags about a character from his favorite online game. Listen to him attentively, ask questions — it is normal to show interest in what he likes.
Many women are skeptical about this advice — “why stuff up my head with nonsense I don’t care about?” Then they complain that their husbands or boyfriends prefer the company of his friends to her. Over there he can share what matters for him, and his friends will understand and support him, which is very important.
More diversity in intimate life
Here is important not to overdo. Start small — try to change the atmosphere, add a new touch to the foreplay, light up candles and turn on music, if previously the atmosphere used to be top secret.
I want to point out that when the interrelation between the partners is in harmony, you don’t have to think too much about variety in bed. Everything will happen on its own, with passion and desire.
If you have done all you could do, and your man is still cold to you, think — maybe it’s time to part, and open yourself up for something new.
As it often happens we hold onto an outlived relationship only because we are afraid to look forward and see an opening horizon.
Did you manage to reignite passed feelings? Share in your comment how you did it.