How to calm down your girlfriend: what to do and what words to use

Good day, dear men! Many of you get paralyzed in front of women’s tears or don’t know how to calm down your girlfriend. We all feel down sometimes. In this very moment, you want your partner to support you, calm you down, or just stay next to you. Let’s figure out together how a boyfriend can help his girlfriend get over a hard moment.

What happened?

The girl is upset.

The girl is upset.

First of all, try to find out what has happened. Before even saying anything, starting to comfort her or do anything, it’s better to assess the situation. If she is angry, think what made her angry. If she is upset–what made her upset. If she is crying–what could make her cry.

Maybe you are aware about her problems at work or at school, then you know how to pick up words and phrases to calm her down. Or you notice that she has been recently arguing with her best friend, sister, mother or father. Her dog is too old, etc.

Of course, it’s not always easy to understand why a woman is upset. Some women burst out crying because of a broken nail or a run in stocking. Men consider such trifles to not be worth tears or being upset.

What if she has torn her stocking right before an important meeting where she has to report in front of serious clients? Is she going to stand there with a hole on her knee? Would you meet investors with a ketchup stain on your white shirt? Remember, even a small trouble depending on the situation may turn into a serious problem.

That’s why it’s important to understand what made your girlfriend upset. If you have no idea, that’s fine. There is one reliable way to find out. You need to ask her. Be ready to hear “nothing”. Don’t be a short fuse. Try to be patient to find out what has happened.

Your goal is to show that you care and worry about her, that you don’t consider her problems ridiculous or far-fetched and you are ready to help her or just to offer support if needed.

Ask her: how can I help you? Thus you can see a bigger picture about her problem and what she expects you to do.


The girl is crying leaning on her boyfriend.

The girl is crying leaning on her boyfriend.

Sometimes when a girl is crying, she just needs to release her tears. Or to vent. Give this opportunity to her. Let her talk or cry. And you in your turn stay focused to show her that it is important for you to listen to her.

If it takes her a while to come down, bring her a glass of water.

Stay calm and don’t be nervous. She wants to be sure that you are her protection. That’s why excessive fuss from your side can make her even more upset.

To calm her down in text messages may not be easy. You can’t really show your worry in the text. Therefore, if you have an opportunity to call her if she is far, do it without hesitation. Sometimes to hear a loving voice is all she needs to come down.

If you are next to her, hug her, stroke her hair and hold her hand. Tactile contact at this very moment is an important piece. Holding her is like you are protecting her from the outside world which means she’s not alone and she has somebody to lean on and to trust.

Don’t forget to tell her about your worry and anxiousness. Show that she is dear to you, and you are next to her ready to help.

It would be nice if you make her laugh. Laughter is a good remedy for many problems and may improve her mood.

Tell her a story how you found yourself in a similar absurd situation, as an example, and how it ended up well. If you are far from her, send her a funny picture that can make her laugh.

Shift attention

The boyfriend and girlfriend are taking a stroll in the park.

The boyfriend and girlfriend are taking a stroll in the park.

Once she has vented and cried enough, try to shift her attention to something else. Suggest going somewhere, watch a movie (preferably a comedy), or just take a walk. Now you need to show her that nothing terrible has happened and life continues.

If your loved one wanted to go for massage, take her. Do not overdo with this method though. Some ladies start manipulating with their mood to get what they want.

If you have some kind of a small task, ask your girlfriend to help you. She might forget about her problem while helping you. Just don’t do this right away.  She may think that you don’t care about her problems.

Helpful advice

The man is yelling at the girlfriend.

The man is yelling at the girlfriend.

What  mistakes boyfriends make when trying to come down their girlfriend?

  1. Some men use phrases that cause an argument. For example, when the situation seems petty, he says she’s making a mountain out of a molehill, what makes her even more angry and mad, and the making-up process turns into a huge argument with yelling and crying.
  2. Don’t change the topic too quickly. Often a boyfriend gets tired to hear the same thing again and again and tries to start a new conversation thinking that she can shift her attention. No. If you do so, you show your indifference to her problems, that she gets upset about trifles not worth your attention.
  3. Some other men would rather ignore. The worst attitude of them all.  Even if you feel down yourself, you may be sick or you have a lot of work to do, but your loved one came home crying–it’s a must to stop everything and take care of her and calm her down. Otherwise, what is a relationship for, if not to support each other?
  4. Once, my friend told me her boyfriend started making advances when she was telling him about a terrible argument with her girlfriend. This is another bad example. Do not start flirting with her while she’s upset.  Stroke her hair, take her hand, hold her tight, but use your gestures without any sexual context.
  5. Do not say following phrases: smile; come down; come come; stop; shut up; stop crying; don’t exaggerate; what happened now? so what? I didn’t understand; hurry up; etc. Use these instead:  I’m here, I’m by your side; I’m listening; proceed it’s important for me; I am sorry I’m not next to you (if you are on a distance); I understand that it feels difficult; maybe you want a tea or coffee, I’ll make it for you and so on.

It’s quite difficult to come down an upset woman. However, most methods described above will work.

Share in your comments, How do you usually soothe your girlfriend? What methods work every time and what methods don’t work at all? Does she get upset often?

Be patient and sincere in your support!

I wish you all the best!

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April 6, 2019 Add Comment

In Relations

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